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FYI

I’ve switched all my blogging over to my main site, brianahansen.com.

About twice a week, I do Funny Fitness based blogs.

See ya over there!

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LAUNDRY!

I DIDN’T WORK OUT THIS MORNING BECAUSE I’M OUT OF CLEAN WORKOUT CLOTHES- NAMELY SPORTS BRAS! I’M WRITING THIS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THIS IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE! ANY WOMAN WHO WORKS OUT REGULARLY KNOWS THE IMPORTANCE OF A GOOD SPORTS BRA! ALL OF MINE ARE DIRTY AND NEED TO BE CLEANED! I NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR LAUNDRY SO I CAN GO BACK TO MAKING TIME FOR WORKING OUT BUT I HAVEN’T MADE TIME FOR WORKING OUT BECAUSE I HAVEN’T MADE TIME FOR LAUNDRY AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL CRAZY AND MAKES ME WANT TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS UNTIL I AM CALM AND HAVE CLEAN CLOTHES AGAIN.

LAUNDRY!

Runner’s Smile

Today was an absolutely glorious day for a run. So I took advantage of it. And ran.

Mind-blowing.

It felt so good to get out there and try a very specific run (which I’ll write about later) and just enjoy the feeling of outdoors and freedom and health. (Gross, I know, but true nonetheless)

I was running with a smile pretty much plastered on my face (also in part because I knew it was going to be a short run so I would be back to eat my celebratory ice cream in no time). A few minutes in, I saw a woman running towards me with a smile also plastered on her face. She looked more like a hardcore runner (probably thinking about her pace and not the ice cream that was waiting for her at home) and she was going at a happy clip like me. 

When we were close enough, we looked at each other through our nice, polarized, expensive running sunglasses and exchanged a big smile. When we were close enough, I said “Hi!” and she said “Hi!” right back. It was just a moment, but it was like we were exchanging a secret runner handshake that affirmed this ridiculously repetitive and silly act we were doing is actually a secret to lasting happiness.

At least that’s what I was thinking. I’m sure she thought the same. Probably. Maybe. Surely. Yeah.

Either way, it was a small and awesome exchange. And it put a little extra pep in my step. And made the short but sweet run even sweeter.

(Plus, the post-run ice cream also helped add some sweetness. Did I mention I was thinking of the ice cream the whole time? Because I was. And now you probably are, too. You’re welcome.) 

Rumbly in my Tumbly

Yesterday I was supposed to run my last long run before my half marathon Sunday, March 10.

I was TIRED. All day long. My normally high energy was very, very low. I kept wondering why the hell it was so freaking low…then I remembered this silly cleanse.

So I gave myself the usual, “Mind over matter” pep talk and by 2:30 in the afternoon (normally I workout at 6 am-ish), I went for a … ahem… ‘run.’

I went really really slow. About 10 minutes in I wanted to turn around more than anything in the world. It was absolutely beautiful out. The weather was perfect. I hadn’t eaten anything ridiculous. I was just plum tired.

So I made a turn that meant I would be cutting the run short. And the second after I did that, I calmed down my anxieties, accepted the fact that this run wouldn’t be as far or as long as I’d hoped, and I smiled as I looked around at the beauty around me.

When I got home after 25 minutes (nowhere near the 2 hour goal), I was utterly exhausted. I was in PJ’s and in bed by 8pm that night. And my stomach was making wild and crazy noises (stomach, intestines and colon… yeah. Pleasant, I know.) It was like growling and quasi-spasming. It wasn’t painful or scary, it was just weird. I think much of my energy is going towards the detox in my body, so I need to respect that and let it be.

I accepted the fact that I want to do it all- work hard all week at my day job, pursue my comedy dreams all night, get up really early to workout, and cleanse my body on an intense detox while training for a half marathon- but sometimes you just need a break. And that’s ok.

I’m a little apprehensive about the race on Sunday now that I didn’t get all the long runs I hoped in. But the one two weeks ago was fantastic and this diet is doing nothing but helping (usually), so I should be fine. It will be fine. Everything will be fine. Even if it’s not fine, that’s just fine.

Daggum treadmills

For my training today (which I’m pretending to be all caught up on because I did one long run in one month… yikes), I had to run speed intervals. I’ve actually started to really enjoy these workouts. Maybe it’s because I can channel my inner former-sprinter and because I can talk myself in and out of stuff easier when it’s for shorter periods of time.

Whatever the reason, I was having a grand old run this early morning on a treadmill, when I started noticing that when my treadmill was at the running speed, it was shaking back and forth more than I’m comfortable with.

Quick – but important – sidenote: My gym is notorious for constantly having machines that are broken. At any given point, almost half the machines don’t work. A couple weeks ago I was running on one of the few supposedly “functioning” machines doing intervals only to find out that the belt was incapable of going faster than my jog speed. So…even the functioning machines often don’t work correctly.

Anyway, I’m doing one of my speed intervals and the treadmill is shaking intensely. I got nervous and switched treadmills. Not only was I nervous that the shaking would make the belt do something weird, but it also kind of made me feel fat-like the treadmill can’t handle my weight on it. And I see some BIG people on those things. Didn’t like that shiz one bit.

I stepped on the treadmill just to my right because the two to my left were both “Out of Order.” (See my above tirade.) When I went to do my fast speed on that treadmill, it was barely any faster than my walking speed.

I would like to take this moment to recognize that I could totally go on a badass ramble about how fast I run and how awesome I am to run so fast… but I don’t run all that fast really. It’s nowhere near the supposed capacity of a treadmill. I would love to pretend like “Man, I’m so awesome that even a treadmill can’t handle this speed,” but it’s more like “I run sometimes and sometimes I go faster than slow and any treadmill should be able to handle it because it’s very reasonable.”

To wrap up this epic interval story, I had to move to a treadmill right next to someone running (always an awkward move when there are so many theoretical options- but they were all out of order! It was my only option!) and I had to pick up the intervals halfway through where I had left off.

That treadmill didn’t shake and went what seemed like the right speed (felt very fast and I didn’t like it so I assumed it was the right speed) so I finished my run “successfully.” Technically.

I still felt awkward because I was the girl who kept switching treadmills every five minutes. Blarg.

There May Be Hope…

…and There Will Be Blood.

Actually, there won’t be any blood. It’s just Oscars day here in LA so everything sounds like a movie. There is hope, though! I just finished my first long run in a VERY long time (almost a month!) and I am happy to report I made it!

Sure, I went very slow. Sure, I stopped to pet a few dogs. Sure, it was six hours later than my race will be. Sure, it was absolutely perfect weather. Sure, I barely felt the difference between running and walking- but the point is I did it! One hour, fifty minutes, babies. Run run run. Fun fun fun.

Now it’s time to celebrate with one last Girl Scout cookie before I start my cleanse tomorrow.

Oh god- as of tomorrow I’ve got to exercise while taking supplements and eating a really strict diet.

Oy to the vey.

Let’s hope it’s a miracle diet…

I’ve got a race coming up in less than two weeks. It’s another half marathon. I’m actually really excited about it because I love races and half marathons especially. But I’m more apprehensive than last time because, well, I haven’t gone for a long run in over three weeks.

I took a week off after my last run. Then I skipped a long run because of my schedule. Then I skipped another because of sickeness. Then another because of my schedule. And now we’re at two weeks out, and I have yet to run more than five miles.

I’m starting a pretty serious diet/cleanse on Thursday, so I’m hoping it’s a special magical miracle diet that magically makes me much better at running distances.

Right now, that seems to be my only hope.

I’ll let you know how it goes.