My very brave friend Shannon had me train her this morning at the gym.
I say she’s brave not because I’m an intense trainer (though that is true… I don’t like lazy and won’t let you do it). She’s mostly brave because it was 6:30 am and I had not had breakfast. And it was not my gym so I didn’t know where anything was. So I was a bit…ahem…cranky.
She was a good sport about it. She knows me well enough to read between my cranky words to get behind what I’m saying.
At one point, we had a little interaction with another woman in the free weights section. She wanted a weight I was using. The thing is… I was using it. She tried to argue this point with me. But the problem was…see…I was using it. And basic weight room etiquette is first come, first serve. You just wait until the person using your weights is done with all their sets before you use it. Especially if they’re mid-set. Using the weight in question. Like I was. Did I make that point clear?
She got a little snarky with me, so I gave her attitude back. Because, see, I was using the weight at the time so, no, I didn’t want to give it to her.
Luckily for her, I saw the actual weight I wanted to use had been returned to the rack (5 lbs heavier than what I was using, by the way…), so I said she could have mine and went to get the heavier. She said she only needed one. I told her I didn’t care how many she needed, I wasn’t using them anymore so just take whatever…I don’t care.
Shannon, seeing this interaction, let me know I’m getting a little “feisty” with her. I’m aware that I’m not the most chipper person 1) At the gym 2) Without breakfast and 3) In the morning (let alone the lethal combination of the three). But there is a standard weight room etiquette. Some things are more forgivable than others. Asking someone to use your weight while you’re using it is just about the biggest faux pas you can make.
About five minutes later, I’m looking over at the girl who wanted the weight and she was doing her “exercises” with the worst form I’ve ever seen. Now, again, I recognize I’m a snob for form. I was lucky enough to be coached on a lot of exercises through sports and weight training in high school and been practicing on and off for years. I’ve studied enough to know that I’d rather do three reps with perfect form than 30 with shitty form because I know those three reps do more than anything else. Anyone who’s done one pilates session knows that focusing on form is the single most effective choice you can make in a workout. Everything else will fall into place if you’re actually doing the exercise right.
Apparently, I made my disgust well known. Shannon claims I mumbled “She has the worst f***ing form I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know why the f*** she’s wasting her time right now or why the f*** she even need that weight, she’s doing herself absolutely no good and just taking up f***ing space in the weightroom where someone who knows what the f*** they’re doing could be…” or something like that. Maybe even more colorful. For the record- I don’t remember saying it. But also for the record, it’s definitely what I was thinking so it wouldn’t surprise me that in my delirious and angry morning state I had no filter on.
Shannon reminded me again to “Calm down there feisty. Not everyone has as much training as you.” And she was right. But people can have common sense. If you look like a total idiot, you’re probably not doing yourself any good (see my previous post that tells you how I feel about the elliptical machine where you really look like an idiot). You’re likely doing more harm than good.
So do everyone a favor and before you get into the weight room with the big dogs and do your research. Look up some weight room etiquette. Bring a friend with you (like Shannon did) who knows their way around a weight room until you feel comfortable enough to be in there by yourself. And for the love of god, look up how the eff to do the exercises you’re attempting.
Otherwise, you’re going to hurt yourself. Or I’m going to hurt your feelings by cursing at you. Either way, you lose.
And- for the love of John, Paul, George, and Ringo- do not ask someone for their weight while they’re effing using it.
That is all. For now.
I’ve got a new obsession.
I have a sweet tooth. No denying it. I’ve tried cutting out sugar altogether and “rebooting my palette.” Nope. doesn’t work for me. I likey the chocolate.
There are only two ways for me to get around my sweets obsession. One is buying chocolate bars with really high % cacao(like 85-90%). It gives me that little chocolate kick without the obsession that makes it impossible for me to stop.
The other option, are these:
They’re brownies. That have tons of protein in them. So you can pretend they’re healthy.
They’re hefty on the calories. I don’t pretend like this is a great idea. I just pretend like it’s not the worst idea.
I get my sweets fix but I’m also full for a long time because of all the protein in them.
So try ’em. I get the chocolatey ones. Because…well, I’m obsessed.
In my alternative non-fitness life, I maintain a few weirdo personalities. Including this chick I’ve just revived from the dead named “B-Eazy” (@BEazyHipHop).
As you can see in her Twitter background, she loves rappers with ab tattoos. Specifically, she loves the pictures of Lil Wayne and Tupac showing off their ab tattoos.
So I’m using this as an excuse. Lil Wayne’s birthday is September 27. Not far from now.
I’m gonna work my butt off at the gym and focus on abs every single workout. I’m gonna really watch what I eat and try to get cut.
Then, in honor of Lil Wayne’s Birthday, I’m gonna post my own B-Eazy ab tattoo picture. (It will be a fake tattoo, of course, but still…)
My stomach is the part of my body I’m least proud of. I’ve worked hard over the past several months to tone it and tame it. Posting an ab picture will be a big deal for me, even if it’s just for a silly alternative personality.
Wish me luck.
I miss carbs already.
I see people post them all the time. I think they’re dumb. Why did you take time out of your workout in a public space to take an over-posed picture of yourself post-workout?
If you’re a celebrity (ie Hugh Jackman’s recent workout pic), fine. I get it. You get people taking pictures of you constantly. It’s good publicity. You’re used to pictures. And often, you’re working out alone or with a personal trainer.
But if you’re just a douchebag at the gym who wants to show the world how you look after a set of weights… Ugh.
I got a gym to myself last week and in honor of all these douchebags who pose for pictures, I took an overly posed gym pic for your enjoyment:
Yesterday, I went with my mother to her favorite form of exercise…Zumba
Now, I don’t know if you guys know this…but Zumba is an experience.
First of all, for whatever reason, old people love it. It’s as confusing as why old people love Florida. Anybody can live in Florida. Lots of non-old people do. But it’s known for having a bunch of crotchity old ladies around. Zumba is the same way.
It was me, my mom, another “Red Hat Society” lady and the instructor (who was much closer to my age than the other ladies). And- to be fair- it was actually a pretty good cardio session. The instructor approaches it as a workout meant to burn calories and improve your fitness, which was cool. Plus, she was one of the good instructors who has a great time and inspires you to just let go and let loose. She does the moves whole-heartedly but doesn’t stare at you to make sure you get them right. She figures you’ll watch her and catch on. Which you do. Eventually. Sort of.
I always get self conscious in those classes. Even when I’m the youngest and/or fittest in the room, I’m convinced that I have to over-achieve. It’s dumb but it’s my mind set. This instructor was really good about not making me feel silly when I was clearly off beat and spinning when nobody else was.
And that happened often. Especially during the Cumbias and Reggaeton songs. I couldn’t find those beats for the life of me. But during the Indian/Irish remix…I tore it UP. And the best part about the music? All the songs are specifically created for Zumba classes. So if for a second you forget you’re doing Zumba, the song will likely remind you at some point.
My mom and I both got a great workout. She’s 65 years old and still active. I love it. And I’m glad she’s found a woman in the area who’s really nice and gives her such a fantastic opportunity for a good class. There’s nothing quite as inspiring as seeing your 65-year-old mom shake her hips to a Pitbull remix while smiling.
I’m visiting my hometown of Indianapolis at the moment. This is limiting my overall workouts, but extremely helpful for my personal recalibration and inspiration.
Plus, it’s nice on my bank account because my mommy and daddy buy me everything. Because I am an adult. And I depend on them to buy me stuff.
Anyhoo, my mommy bought me insoles for my foot. They’re specifically targeted for people suffering from plantar fasciitis. They give a little extra cushioning between your heel and the ground. Which I guess lets the inflamed tendons heal a little bit.
I put them in my running shoes. I haven’t had time to use my running shoes yet. And when I do use them, it will not be for running (just yet) because we have to work back up to that. But I’m excited I’ll have at least something that will hopefully help.
Plus, my parents have a little elliptical machine in the extra bedroom. I was able to elliptical the other day for about 40 minutes without pain. So maybe I’ll give the new insoles a little spin on the elliptical machine.
That is assuming, of course, my brother isn’t home. If he is, I will probably drink beer and catch up on Breaking Bad instead of working out. I’m still technically on “vacation,” after all.
I bought a Tupac shirt. I love it. Like, love love love love love it. I’ve had it less than a week. This will be the second time I wear it to the gym. I’ve already washed it so I could re-wear it after my last workout. I will be washing it again tomorrow so I can bring it when I visit Indianapolis this week.
The first time I wore it to the gym, the woman who checked me in said “That’s an awesome shirt.” I responded, “I know.”
It’s like my new comfort blanket. I don’t want to go anywhere without it.
And, for some reason, I work out really hard when I’m wearing it.
Probably because all eyez are on me.