Archive | May 2013

“You look like you’ve lost weight”

I’m a person who others remember as fatter than they actually are. I’ve been around the same weight for years. I was a little bigger in college, but after college I’ve pretty much plateaued in a certain range.

But it never fails that I see someone I haven’t seen in a while and they always say, “You look like you’ve lost weight.” And I’m not gonna be the asshole that pretends I don’t like hearing that- who wouldn’t? The problem is, I’ve heard it so many times in my life, often in times when I haven’t made any physical changes at all, it’s lost some of its impact.

Years ago, I came to term with the fact that people remember me as fatter than I actually am. And that’s just how it is.

So unfortunately, I’m difficult to compliment in this realm because I’ve heard it so many times that when I actually do feel like I’ve made positive physical changes in my body, they’re so subtle nobody except me would notice. They consist of fitting into certain pants better than usual or noticing more muscle and less fat on a certain part of my body.

Truth be told, I’m actually noticing some of those changes in my body right now after lifting so much. My arms look a little more cut and my abs are getting strong. But they are small, almostĀ unnoticeableĀ changes. And my weight hasn’t really changed for it’s usual spot at all. So as much as I appreciate hearing “You look like you’ve lost weight,” I really haven’t yet, folks. You just remember me fatter.

But when I do see major changes, I’ll post before and after pics. That’s a promise (if it ever happens…)



When I’m sore for days after a workout, I pretend it’s because I worked so hard. Not because I’m so out of shape, I barely had to do anything to make my body sore.

Words of wisdom by yours truly.

Be kind to your body

I can demand a lot from myself. I often don’t get enough sleep. I push really hard. And I have high expectations for what I can physically achieve.

So the other day when I tried this food that had something wrong with it and basically made me shaky and sick for 24 hours, I made a solemn promise to myself. I will take much better care of my body from here on out.

Maybe this seems like a silly request from a woman who blog about fitness- theoretically an act that already helps your body out- but, like I said, I think I can push it too much. After this food made my body feel like absolute shit, I’m going to take a breather from all things that can make your body feel like shit. No excess sugar, no alcohol, no empty calories, no shady leftovers…nothing that could make it feel that way again for at least the rest of the year. I’m writing it out and putting it on the interwebs so you can hold me accountable. I really pissed my body off and I want to make up for it by being very kind to it this second half of the year.

I’m going to make it a point to get enough rest every night so I can be more productive and healthy throughout the day. I’m going to drink too much water and listen to my body when it says it wants more of something or less of something else. And I’m going to see how that makes me feel.

Part of me is glad I feel this shitty. It’s quite a wake-up jolt to stop pushing and thinking I’m invincible. Clearly, my body will push back. And based on how I feel right now, my body always win.

I have an inkling the end of the year I’ll feel a whole lot better than I do right now since I’m about to become Puritan. And I don’t think I’ll be Puritan forever, but we’ll see how it goes. Maybe it suits me.

Who’s That Lady?

I was in the weight room the other day when a woman wearing a neon yellow bra and tight Lulu Lemon stretch pants with a splash of color on top andĀ nothing else walked by. She had killer abs and was one of those people who clearly took time to do her hair and makeup before going to the gym.

And I watched as every man in the weight room’s eyes slowly followed her as she walked by. And she walked slowly for their eyes to follow. And it was hilarious.

For a moment, I was the only one still lifting in the weight room.

So I took advantage of it and snagged one of the precious few flat benches available.

Thank you, lady, for being so hilariously distracting. And thank you, men, for being so predictable.


So I’ve been consistently lifting for about a month now, and I’m surprised at how much I genuinely enjoy it! It makes it a lot easier to come into the weight room knowing exactly what exercises you’ll be doing and how many reps and what weight you previously used and having a plan for the day (I use iFitness app to help me! One of the few apps I’ve paid for and definitely worth the money).

The only problem with all this lifting is that my hands were starting to get rougher than normal. And despite the fact that I do comedy and otherwise want to look pretty jacked, I actually want to maintain some of my lady-like charm. What little of it I have in the first place, that is…

Solution? Gloves! I got gloves! I now wear these little fingerless lifting gloves with fishnet backing when I lift! And not only do they make me look pretty badass, but they help keep my hands from getting all calloused and manly.

If I got calloused hands, the next thing you know I’d be grunting and spraying my spit all over the place like the rest of the animals in the weight room.

I mean men. Not animals. I sometimes get them confused.

To be fair, you would too if you saw what I saw every day… :::shudders:::

Back for more tomorrow!

The Chipper

Once in a while, I get to go to a personal trainer. Long story short, it’s a sweet deal and I’m always grateful and excited when I get the chance to go.

Today was one of those days. We started with this series my trainer referred to as “The Chipper.” It sounds innocent enough, but it makes you feel like your body just went through a wood chipper.

I plowed through with all my heart. I had to take some serious rest breaks between and even during the exercises once or twice. I let out a few cuss words while doing the repetitions and I had to dig deep. When I was done, my trainer told me I did a great job. He said he’s been having all his clients do “the Chipper” and very few have done it as quickly as I did.

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I COULD GO SLOWER! I just took breaks when he told me to and started up again when he told me. I COULD HAVE GONE SLOWER?!

My reward for such great work? We did another intense 40 minutes of strength training. He emphasized during the strength training to rest up in between sets because he said he wanted me to go all out so I would feel it the next day.

I’m writing this post the same day, because I’m afraid even my fingers will be sore from that workout tomorrow.

In other news, I have a hint of abs trying to sneak through my stomach. Just a hint. Still exciting.

Stairs in Pairs

My guy and I sometimes workout together.

I know- it’s so healthy and adorable it’s gross.

Yesterday, we ran stair sprints together. He typically does more anaerobic lifting with only supplemental sprints like these. And when I’m visiting him and don’t have to do a specific training run for a race, I’ll do it with him.

It’s pretty exhausting and adorable.

Our stair sprints yesterday weren’t the most difficult series of sprints we’ve done on stairs. Several months ago, he was on a stairs kick so we did a “pyramid” where we went down and up once, then rested. Then down and up twice, then rest. Building all the way up to I think 6 times, then we worked our way back down from six to 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. THAT SUCKED.

So in comparison, yesterday wasn’t as bad. We ran down and up six flights of steps then rested 55 seconds on the top. Since I was behind him when we got to the top, I got about 5 seconds less resting up there. We did that for 20 minutes. Stairs are their own beast and I’m here to tell you that if you’re not in shape to run them, it will hurt like hell no matter what.

Plus I had gotten in a mood just before we started so I spent most of the time cussing in my head and out loud.

Calmed down afterwards. No surprise, it happens. And now my legs are sore today. Also no surprise since I pushed hard yesterday.

I guess my point is, healthy body can mean a healthy relationship. So run stairs in pairs and get angry with someone you love!